dont judge me

am i single ? yes i am . but unavailable . 

not because I cant forget my past , but I just need a more time to neutralize everything . Who knows and who want to know about what I feel . who care ?? should I show them my cries for my fckin trauma ! helloo , are you think that I'm a drama queen ?! . here I am . here's my nature. its really difficult to express everything happened . 

sometimes I looked cool and quiet, but is it wrong if I have a sense of attention and care to anyone who looked nice with me ? 
actually I realized that this was all a mistake. 
I almost fell into the same hole more than twice, because of this shit ! previously, we became a very good friends . it seemed very nice . those who came and made ​​me feel comfortable as a friend, as a friend to tell a story, a friend who is always entertaining, accompanying and whatever it turns out it , actually made ​​me cornered . am I wrong to give the same thing to them?

the time came to answer what actually happened . if they try to be a good friends , I'm also trying to be a good friends .
 not anymore .

do they know that i feel very dissapointed . behind my happiness cause i still have many people that really care , but all of these was only fake . all of this wasn't free . I need so much time for my self . for support me . and i just need a friend . a best friend who understand me .  enough .
dont judge me please !

 shold I be a nerd girl for avoid them ? should I be silence so they know that I don't intend anything ?

i hate this fear !